My friends, they love my intelligence
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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