I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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