Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
