You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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