Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
