Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
zippers are such a cool invention
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
