2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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