Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
