im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We left the knife in your bed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
