Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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