dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
