Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
