She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
