You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
