party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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