I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
