I'm really into asian looking animals
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
