nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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