i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
