Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
