my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
