Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
