Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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