fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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