no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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