They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
