she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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