the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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