My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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