I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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