Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
