my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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