dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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