Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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