I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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