This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was not drunk enough for that final.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
