NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
