if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize