Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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