just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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