it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
