it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
