you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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