he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
