Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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