It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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