Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
