I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
