sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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