just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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