Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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