Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
