we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
