I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
