I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
