even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
