I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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