playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
