Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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