Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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