How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
