If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
