i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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