Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
