we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
