We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did I show you my penis last night?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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