took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
