I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
