i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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