After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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