I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
